A life living with HIV
I grew up staying with my aunt and uncle. And l used to call them dad and mum but l used to take pills and l never knew the reason to y l was taking the pills and in another hand l had other parents who l stayed in kasese and l also used to call them mum and dad but to me l was rest assured dat my village parents are my real parents so one day l asked my village mum why do l have two parents she replied and said wait for your daddy in kasese and you ask him. So one day l was coming from school it was a Saturday l found my dad from kasese at home so my village mum told him dat you daughter has a question so we had to go to his house in thea bedroom and l asked him y do l have 2 pairs of parents who are my original parents he asked to open a wardrobe and pick a book it was written thea order of service so he told me dat your mother died wen you wea only 2years and l asked y l take tabs and my sisters and him don't take tabs he told me dat your mum suffered from HIV and she didn't tell him. So ever since then l have been living with HIV in a community full of people and listening to people talk about us badly and lossing friend after them finding out at am sick even my relationship status being affected coz my first relationship my guy got my pills and it was over btn us and now wen l get any guy and tell him dat can you fall in love with a person who is sick they tell be bad words dat really do hurt me alot l feel am a burden to everyone around me l have no one to talk to and wen l talk to my family they just say dat l have alot of stupidity I have now wea to run to no one to talk to about myself and my problems am always lonely life is treating me the way it wants l feel Sometimes l wish l was dead instead of being around people who don't want me
What you have been carrying sounds incredibly painful. You have had to make sense of your HIV status, family history, rejection, and people speaking about HIV in hurtful ways—and it makes sense that you feel exhausted and alone sometimes.
But having HIV does not make you a burden, unlovable, or undeserving of a relationship. With consistent HIV treatment, people living with HIV can live long, full lives. And when treatment brings the virus to an undetectable level and it stays there, HIV is not sexually transmitted—this is known as U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable).
- Stigma can slowly turn other people’s hurtful words into beliefs like “Nobody will love me,” “I am a burden,” or “My life will always be like this.” Those thoughts may feel very real, but they are not facts about your worth or your future.
- I would encourage you to gently separate who you are from what you are living with. HIV is something you manage; it is not your identity. You can still move toward the things that matter to you—love, friendship, family, purpose, and belonging—even while carrying some fear and hurt.
I would really encourage you to speak with a counsellor, psychologist, HIV support group, or trusted healthcare provider. Having even one safe person who understands HIV without judgement can make such a difference.
And because you said that sometimes you wish you were dead, please take that feeling seriously. If you feel that you might harm yourself or you don’t feel safe, please go to the nearest hospital or emergency service, tell someone you trust, and do not stay alone with those thoughts.
You deserve support that sees you as a whole person, not a diagnosis.