I married Silman when I was 23 years old. He worked in Dubai hence the marriage was long distance. It was characterized by arguments, indifference as whenever he came back home for vacations he totally ignored me. He relocated back after 5 years and in the second year after he had relocated to Uganda. He started an affair with a woman who insulted me daily since the affair started. He always gaslighted me into thinking that it was the woman forcing the relationship. The woman sent me a video of the two of them in bed and this is how I confirmed the affair. He has since apologized and alleged that he cut off communication with her. We have 3 children together, however I don't know how to move forward with him, I don't trust him and I feel irritated by alot of what he does. I can't stop thinking about the affair too. Kindly help
Why can't I forgive my husband for cheating on me
Thank you for opening up and sharing such a deeply painful and personal experience. What you’ve been through is profoundly difficult, and it's completely understandable that you are feeling stuck, angry, and unable to move past the betrayal. Your emotions—of mistrust, irritation, and intrusive thoughts about the affair—are valid and expected responses to such a significant rupture in your relationship.
You invested in your marriage at a young age under challenging circumstances, including long-distance and emotional disconnection. The affair, compounded by being gaslighted and insulted by the other woman, was not just a betrayal of intimacy but also a violation of your dignity and emotional safety. It makes sense that your mind and heart are still grappling with the trauma. Feeling like you can’t forgive doesn’t make you weak—it means your wounds are deep and deserve care, not pressure to heal prematurely.
It's normal to feel like you’re not progressing as quickly as you think you should be. Many people in your position struggle with guilt, shame, or self-doubt, thinking they should "just move on" for the sake of the children or family. But forgiveness, trust, and healing are not timelines to be rushed. What you’re feeling doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re processing. And in this space, you matter. Your healing is important, independent of anyone else’s expectations.
Despite your pain, you’ve demonstrated incredible strength—you’ve stayed present for your children, you're engaging in reflection, and you're seeking help, which shows a deep desire to heal and possibly rebuild your sense of self and peace. These are powerful steps. Remember why you came to therapy: not necessarily to save the marriage, but to reclaim your own emotional well-being and clarity. Your current resistance to trust and irritability toward your husband may be your psyche’s way of protecting you from further harm, not evidence of failure.
I encourage you to keep giving yourself the grace to feel everything—rage, grief, numbness, and confusion. Healing is rarely linear. Some days you may feel more hopeful, other days deeply wounded again. But each time you speak your truth, confront your feelings, or even sit with the discomfort, you're making progress. Continue showing up for yourself and allow the process to unfold gently.
You are not broken. You are someone who was deeply hurt and is now navigating one of the hardest journeys a person can face. I believe in your capacity to find peace, whether that peace comes within the marriage or apart from it. You are worthy of love, respect, and clarity—and you're doing the courageous work of reaching for it.
If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.