how do i get to my healing
im a single mom and i havent had any successful relationships,i recently started dating someone who is also a single parent but somehow i got triggered by some lack of commitment in putting me first and i got angry and ended things. i also have been drinking heavily on occassion
Healing doesn’t mean you never get triggered again. Sometimes it looks like learning to notice what the trigger is touching inside you before it decides for you. 🤍
- I would suggest looking at the pattern: What happened? → What did I tell myself it meant? → What did I feel? → What did I do? For example, a lack of attention might quickly become “I’m not important to him” or “I’m going to be abandoned,” and anger can then become a way of protecting yourself from that hurt.
- Also pause and ask, “What do I want to stand for in relationships, even when I feel afraid?” Maybe honesty, security, patience, communication, or self-respect. You can feel hurt or triggered without having to immediately end the relationship or act from the emotion.
- It may also be worth exploring what “putting me first” means to you. When two people are also parents, their children will naturally be a major priority. That doesn’t mean your needs should be ignored, but it may help to talk openly about what commitment, reassurance, and being valued actually look like for both of you.
- And please pay attention to the drinking too. If alcohol is becoming a way to numb sadness, anger, or loneliness, that is something worth addressing with compassion rather than shame.
Therapy could be a really helpful place to understand your relationship triggers, practise responding differently, and explore your relationship with alcohol. Healing is often less about becoming a completely different person and more about learning to understand yourself well enough to make choices that feel healthier for you. 🤍