The issue is that I need more intimacy and physical connection than what my husband is willing to provide. We have been married for 7 years but I recently I lost my parents and crave human contact. But he doesn’t seem to see it as a priority. He tells me he loves me but no longer has a sex drive. He’s in his mid-40s, healthy, but constantly makes excuses: “I’m too tired,” “I'm busy,” or “Maybe tomorrow.” We used to be intimate almost every other day for years, but now it feels like he’s intentionally withholding it from me whenever I bring it up.
Lack of intimacy in my marriage
I hear you, and I can only imagine how difficult and lonely this must feel for you. You’ve been through a major loss, and in this time of grief, it’s completely natural to crave closeness and physical connection. Intimacy is not just about sex—it’s about feeling loved, valued, and emotionally secure with your partner. It makes sense that you're feeling rejected and hurt when your husband isn’t meeting this need, especially since physical intimacy used to be a strong part of your relationship.
Your experience is valid, and you’re not alone in this. Many couples go through shifts in intimacy over time, and it’s normal to feel frustrated or even question your relationship when those needs aren’t met. The fact that your husband tells you he loves you but avoids intimacy can feel confusing and even painful, and it’s understandable that you might feel like he’s withholding affection from you. It’s important to recognize that these feelings of rejection don’t mean there’s something wrong with you or that your marriage is failing—this is a challenge, but challenges can be worked through.
That being said, I want to remind you that you are still deeply worthy of love, connection, and emotional fulfillment. It sounds like your husband may not fully understand the depth of what you're going through or how much this is affecting you. Have you been able to express your feelings beyond just requesting intimacy? Sometimes, framing it as a need for emotional closeness rather than focusing on the lack of sex can open up a more productive conversation. Additionally, there could be underlying reasons for his decreased sex drive—stress, emotional withdrawal, or even hormonal changes—so approaching this with curiosity rather than frustration might help.
I encourage you to keep advocating for your needs while also exploring ways to reconnect with your husband emotionally. Small gestures of affection—holding hands, cuddling, or even just spending intentional quality time together—can sometimes bridge the gap. And if this continues to be a struggle, couples counseling could be a safe space to explore what’s happening on both sides. You are deserving of love, connection, and a fulfilling relationship, and I believe in your ability to work through this in a way that honors both your needs and your marriage
If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.