I'm distressed. My eight year old defecates on himself while at school. It all started when he was in p.1. Now he is in p.3 . During holidays, he doesn't get any such "accidents ". It only happens at school. We (teachers, I and the father) have tried to establish the cause but failed. We have talked to him and tried to ask him why it happens but he doesn't give us any reasons. He just looks terrified and cries. This thing is distressing me. I don't know how I can help him to overcome it. It used to be occasional but now it is more common like 2 times in a week or three. Do you have any ideas for me?
My eight year old defecates in his shorts at school
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I can hear how deeply concerned and distressed you are, and I want to acknowledge the emotional toll this must be taking on you as a parent. It’s incredibly hard to watch your child struggle with something you don’t fully understand, especially when you’ve done everything you can think of to help. Your care and commitment to your child’s wellbeing come through so clearly.
First, I want to validate your experience: it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed, confused, or even helpless in a situation like this. You're not alone in feeling this way, and it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. Many parents who face similar challenges with their children—especially when it involves sensitive or stigmatizing issues—often feel the same way. And it's okay to feel this way.
It also sounds like your son may be experiencing something that he doesn’t yet have the words or understanding to express. His fear and crying when asked about it suggest that there's more going on emotionally than what meets the eye. And the fact that it only happens at school and never during holidays gives us an important clue: something about the school environment may be triggering for him—possibly related to anxiety, fear of a specific place or person, or something in the school routine that is overwhelming or distressing.
I know it can feel like there’s no progress, especially when the problem seems to be getting worse. But the fact that you’ve already observed patterns (like it happening only at school) and have sought help shows you’re not standing still—you’re already moving forward, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
This might be a good time to gently reframe the situation. Instead of focusing solely on stopping the accidents, we might shift the focus to understanding and supporting your son emotionally—making him feel safe, seen, and heard. Sometimes, progress comes first in the form of emotional breakthroughs before behavior changes. Your son might be carrying emotional stress that he doesn't yet understand or know how to name, and his body may be expressing what he can’t put into words.
Therapy—especially child-centered therapy such as play therapy—could be incredibly helpful here. A therapist can create a safe space where your son feels free to express what’s going on inside, without fear of disappointing anyone. Sometimes, children can't explain things directly but can express them through play or storytelling. This might unlock more understanding than direct questioning.
Please don’t lose heart. Your child is not broken, and neither are you. Therapy and healing are journeys—sometimes with setbacks, sometimes slow, but always worth continuing. I truly believe in your son’s ability to overcome this with the right support, and I believe in your strength and love as a parent guiding him through it.
Let’s keep walking this path together, one gentle step at a time. You’re not alone, and there is hope.
If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.