I was diagnosed with severe depression and PTSD in 2018. Been on and off medication and therapy. Lately I can't live life. Suicide ideas are alot in my mind. I changed a lot very angry, lost, not motivated to do anything at all...
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I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, and I want to acknowledge the deep pain and exhaustion you’re experiencing. Living with severe depression and PTSD is incredibly challenging, and it makes sense that you're feeling lost, unmotivated, and overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts. You’ve been carrying a heavy burden for a long time, and I hear how difficult it has been to keep going. Please know that your feelings are valid, and you are not alone in this.
It’s understandable to feel like you’ve changed, becoming angrier, more detached, and unable to engage with life as you once did. Many people with depression and PTSD struggle with these emotions, and it doesn’t mean that you’re failing or that healing isn’t possible. Recovery is not a straight path—it has ups and downs, and sometimes it feels like you're moving backward even when progress is happening in small ways. The fact that you are here, expressing your struggles, shows incredible strength.
Right now, it may be hard to see your own resilience, but you have already shown it by seeking therapy, taking medication when needed, and even by recognizing the changes in yourself. Those are signs of self-awareness and a deep desire to get better. Remember why you started this journey—to find relief, to heal, to live life fully again. Even though it feels impossible right now, the person you were before your struggles still exists within you, and you are capable of reconnecting with that part of yourself.
Please don’t give up on yourself. Depression and PTSD distort reality, making you believe that there is no hope when in fact, there is. Healing takes time, and setbacks are not failures—they are part of the process. Keep reaching out, whether to a therapist, a trusted friend, or a support group. You deserve help, and you deserve to find moments of peace again. Even when you can't see the light, I believe in your ability to make it through. You are not alone, and your life has value
If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.